just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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