I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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