Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
