Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
