I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
