they need to just BURY HIM!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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