I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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