porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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