We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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