my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my shit smells like andre
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ๐๐
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her heโs got a huge D too?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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