everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My dick has a subreddit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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