They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
