i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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