im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize