I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
