just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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