You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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