if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
