The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize