sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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