she woke up with a sticky ear
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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