Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
