Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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