So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
