I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
