I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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