Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
