My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
