yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
