She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
