At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
