Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
