If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do herpes really smell.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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