I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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