If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
