he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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