I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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