you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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