you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
