Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
