If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
