I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
