my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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