the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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