I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
