The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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