Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna

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(410): View more from Maryland

It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat

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(703): View more from Virginia

How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

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(212): View more from New York

You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..

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(850): View more from Florida

I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends

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