he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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