I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
