Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
