she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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