I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
