I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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