dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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