Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
