My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
