Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
