Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
