Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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