Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
