well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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