I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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