Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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