oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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