Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
