foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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