he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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