i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
