$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
