mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think my vagina is haunted
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
