It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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